Being alone will always be better than
being with the wrong person or someone who doesn't love or appreciate you. So
many people have tried to tell me how I feel about being single; they've sad
things to me like " you can't be single and happy; there's no such
thing" ;"stop lying to yourself you're not happy being single"
or " you guys broke up so long ago why haven't you moved on?". Even
so called friends have said something to that effect to me.
I would like to address the
last question/statement first. Moving on doesn't mean moving on to someone new;
for me it means letting go of the person and believe me I have done that. I
don't feel a need to "replace" them just for the sake of having
someone; I am actually happy right now. I have time to really rediscover myself
and what I want out of a relationship and not have a relationship define me.
"Singlehood" is not a
curse; it's whatever you make of it. It has given me the opportunity to
re-ignite my passion for writing and I have all the time in the world. I have
been in a relationship where I ended up needing time to breathe because
everything I did I did for the other person; I always out them first and my
wants and needs took the back seat. I was there whenever they needed or even
wanted me; I literally stopped whatever I was doing to be with them. I learnt
that that isn't always good for me.
I have also been in a
relationship where I felt like I wasn't enough for the person because I wasn't
ready to explore the sexual part of our relationship. I used to feel pressured
so much and the pressure wasn't always necessarily coming from them; I
pressured myself into being what they wanted even though I knew it wouldn't be
good for me but I somehow convinced myself it would all be worth it. I was sad
for a long time when it ended but the moment I gave myself a chance to reflect
and actually enjoy being single; I came to find I was actually happier than I'd
been during the entire relationship.
Sometimes you don't realise
just how much of your time is dedicated to your significant other when you're
in a relationship. I'm not say that you shouldn't do so but I was over-doing
it. Now that I am single I have all the time in the world to enjoy activities
that I like. Maybe I was dating the wrong people but I love chilling at home
and when I was in a relationship I hardly ever did that. I was always out
somewhere surrounded by people constantly. In fact we hardly ever even had
alone time. I also enjoy my sleep; I had an ex who got mad when I didn't answer
late night calls. Late night calls are not my thing. I want to sleep; I want my
"me-time" to disconnect with the world and by alone with my thoughts
for a bit.
Being single has taught me the
importance of putting my thoughts and feelings first; I'm not meaning being
selfish; I mean that it's okay for me not to want to do certain things
sometimes and that the person I am with should understand that.
I now know exactly what I want
in a relationship and I will feel ready and confident next time I am in one. I
feel like being single has also taught me how to be a better lover in the sense
that I now know how to acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings and I'll be
able to communicate them to someone else better without fear of judgement or
rejection.
You can learn something from
everything and every phase in your life if you allow yourself to and being
single is just one of those phases. I am not saying I'll be an expert lover
after this I just think I'll be more appreciative and understanding of my significant
other because I am more sure of myself. There's nothing worse than lacking self-confidence
and having your mind go to the worst of places when someone doesn't answer your
call or text you the whole day because you're unsure of yourself.
I believe that it is unhealthy to completely
tie your happiness to another being. You need to learn how to be happy even
when you’re on your own. I have learnt that I don’t need a man to be happy in
life and that whoever I choose to date should add to my happiness and not be the
centre of my universe. Everything I need to be happy and successful is already
within me.
There are far too many people who get into
relationships just for the sake of it for whatever reason and I refuse to be
one of them. I should be with someone because I want to not because I am afraid
of being alone. As much as people may ridicule and laugh at me for being single
for so long; I am doing me for me and I am okay with that. I am the one who will
have to live with the consequences of dating someone I know isn’t right for me
and I’d rather not. Someone once said to me that many people are not out there
looking for love; they are looking for help.
I am single and I am happy. My happiness
doesn’t come from someone else or whatever external force. It comes from me. I have
decided to be happy and enjoy this phase of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment