Why I became "1 of the Boys"

Growing up I wasn't a confident kid. I was that child who sat quietly at the corner at a party; just waiting to go home. My mom used to force me to socialise with other kids because I would never willingly do it myself.

I was extremely self-conscious from childhood right into my late teens. My friends kind of understood this about me but at the same time they were always trying to change me; which I absolutely loathed. I remember in high school they convinced themselves I had a crush on this boy (I really didn't) and they were constantly trying to hook me up with him even though I wasn't even the least bit interested. To them I was a "late bloomer" because they were all dating by the time we were 16 and I only ever saw guys as friends. My friends never understood that.

In class the girls would always snicker and laugh at me behind my back because I was different. I looked different, acted different and even spoke different. I was not like them and it didn't bother me but for them I guess it was a bit of an issue. I was teased about the way I walk, where my parents are from and a whole bunch of other stupid things that really shouldn't even matter.  My friends would try to "fix me up" even when a boy they thought I like came along.

Anyways it got to a point where I was tired of constantly being "prepped" and fussed over to go and talk to boys. I mean they would literally start fixing my hair from nowhere and I would get extremely annoyed. I was told things like "you know you'd be so pretty if you would just..." and I wasn't having it. So I just started hanging out with the boys. I accepted them for who they were so why didn't they just do the same for me. You know... sometimes people think they are doing you a favour but constant criticism about things you don't find particularly important drives me absolutely nuts! I don't put up with that at all now.

I may have convinced myself at some point that the boys wouldn't notice me and compare me to the other girls if I was one of them.

Even now in my 20's, when I was with my female "friends" they were constantly asking me why I'm single and telling me I should be dating because they were all in relationships. I was fine with my singleness but was constantly being told things like "there's no such thing as single and happy", "You need a man" or "maybe if you had a man you wouldn't be so uptight”; seriously, what in the hell??? My male friends which are my first choice when it comes to hanging out on the weekends are a chilled bunch. We have our fun and sometimes get wild. They talk about their girlfriends if they want to and they don't criticize or make me feel weird about being single. From high school I liked hanging out with the boys because they weren't bothered by how I walk or how I did my hair. They pretty much just took me as I was which was pretty freaken awesome. I just fit right in...

I guess I don't find it easy to befriend other females because I get a little self-conscious when I'm surrounded by too many women. I don't dress like the average 20 something year old; even my own mom doesn't understand my look and think I should be dressing differently. I like short hair, I'm not into weaves, and I like sneakers more than heels even though I have started wearing heels more often now. 

Anyways I think that your friendship group, whether you're a teenager or a young adult, should be supportive of who you are and where you are in life; regardless of whether they are males or females. Don't get me wrong, women are amazing but right now, at this point in life, I have yet to meet a group of ladies that I felt I could completely be myself around and I don't really even try anymore.

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