Why I became "1 of the Boys"

Growing up I wasn't a confident kid. I was that child who sat quietly at the corner at a party; just waiting to go home. My mom used to force me to socialise with other kids because I would never willingly do it myself.

I was extremely self-conscious from childhood right into my late teens. My friends kind of understood this about me but at the same time they were always trying to change me; which I absolutely loathed. I remember in high school they convinced themselves I had a crush on this boy (I really didn't) and they were constantly trying to hook me up with him even though I wasn't even the least bit interested. To them I was a "late bloomer" because they were all dating by the time we were 16 and I only ever saw guys as friends. My friends never understood that.

In class the girls would always snicker and laugh at me behind my back because I was different. I looked different, acted different and even spoke different. I was not like them and it didn't bother me but for them I guess it was a bit of an issue. I was teased about the way I walk, where my parents are from and a whole bunch of other stupid things that really shouldn't even matter.  My friends would try to "fix me up" even when a boy they thought I like came along.

Anyways it got to a point where I was tired of constantly being "prepped" and fussed over to go and talk to boys. I mean they would literally start fixing my hair from nowhere and I would get extremely annoyed. I was told things like "you know you'd be so pretty if you would just..." and I wasn't having it. So I just started hanging out with the boys. I accepted them for who they were so why didn't they just do the same for me. You know... sometimes people think they are doing you a favour but constant criticism about things you don't find particularly important drives me absolutely nuts! I don't put up with that at all now.

I may have convinced myself at some point that the boys wouldn't notice me and compare me to the other girls if I was one of them.

Even now in my 20's, when I was with my female "friends" they were constantly asking me why I'm single and telling me I should be dating because they were all in relationships. I was fine with my singleness but was constantly being told things like "there's no such thing as single and happy", "You need a man" or "maybe if you had a man you wouldn't be so uptight”; seriously, what in the hell??? My male friends which are my first choice when it comes to hanging out on the weekends are a chilled bunch. We have our fun and sometimes get wild. They talk about their girlfriends if they want to and they don't criticize or make me feel weird about being single. From high school I liked hanging out with the boys because they weren't bothered by how I walk or how I did my hair. They pretty much just took me as I was which was pretty freaken awesome. I just fit right in...

I guess I don't find it easy to befriend other females because I get a little self-conscious when I'm surrounded by too many women. I don't dress like the average 20 something year old; even my own mom doesn't understand my look and think I should be dressing differently. I like short hair, I'm not into weaves, and I like sneakers more than heels even though I have started wearing heels more often now. 

Anyways I think that your friendship group, whether you're a teenager or a young adult, should be supportive of who you are and where you are in life; regardless of whether they are males or females. Don't get me wrong, women are amazing but right now, at this point in life, I have yet to meet a group of ladies that I felt I could completely be myself around and I don't really even try anymore.

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Movie Night? Check Out these Must- See Movies

I'm a movie fanatic; in fact, I hardly ever go out I spend a majority of my weekends binge-watching movies. I get so sucked in on the action that I hardly ever notice the time going by and before I know it; half the day is gone.

Movies watching is a great way to kick back and relax after a long day and spend quality time with friends and family.

I never stick to one genre because I like to try new things. Sometimes I waste 2 hours of my life and others it's a mind-blowing experience. I always look forward to my sister coming to town because she's the one that continuously introduces me to new and exciting movies.

If you're spending your weekend indoors or are just looking for something worthwhile to watch to kill time, here's a list of movies I think you should check out. I'm not going to give you the 4-1-1 because I don't want you to know what to expect; besides you have the internet to get the movie synopsis if you don't like surprises. I'm a diverse person so if you're homophobic or squeamish then these probably are not for you. I'll throw in the names of main actors and release years so that you know you've found the right movie (lol).

So here's a list of movies (in no particular order) for you to check out:

1. Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman, Lupita Nyong'o, Michael B. Jordan) - 2018
2. Life (Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds) - 2017
3. Love, Simon (Nick Robinson, Katherine Langford, Keiynan Lonsdale) - 2018
4. Call Me by Your Name (Armie Hammer, Timoth'ee Chalamet) - 2017
5. Love, Rosie (Lily Collins, Sam Claflin) – 2014
6. Splice (Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, Delphine Chane’ac) - 2009
7. Split (James Mc Avoy, Anya Taylor - Joy) - 2016

Grab a bowl of popcorn and feast your eyes! My sister & I have good taste; I don't think you'll be disappointed. Let me know in the comments if you watch these and tell me what you thought. 

How to Balance part-time Studies & a full-time Job

I'm an administrative assistant and I'm still pursuing my bachelor’s degree. I work every weekday from 8am to 4.30 pm then I go to the gym. Most of the time when I get home I'm too tired to think and after doing my household chores, I crash; lights out, bedtime. It's gets difficult a lot of the time to get home and do schoolwork but I found a way around it.

I did some reading and found out what others in my situation do and how they still obtain good marks while holding down a full time job. I have adapted some of the habits they spoke about and I will share them with you too. So here's how I balance my studies and work:

• Create a timetable and stick to it - make sure your account for the whole day, include travel times and all the activities that you do throughout the day.
• When you have free time or downtime at work, tackle your assignments
• Use your lunch break to study 
• Wake up an hour earlier if you have to in order to get work done
• Go to the office an hour earlier if you need to utilise office equipment and do your work before starting time
• Don't procrastinate - if you have time to do a task, so it now and just get it over and done with. It's true when they say that "procrastination is the thief of time"
• Plan your study leave in advance so that you have enough time to prepare for tests and exams

Those are a few tips I have used and adapted into my lifestyle to help me balance my school-work life. Being a part-time student can be tough but the important thing to do to stay on track is to be very conscious about how you are spending your time.

In closing I want you to always remember this quote ; "Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today".

If you liked this post then I'm sure you'll like: 
https://weirdnliberated.blogspot.com/2018/09/being-academically-excluded-is-not-end.html

Top 10 Most Played Songs on my Phone Right Now - September 2018

Hey there!

It's a nice chilled Tuesday afternoon. 

My music taste is all over the place, much like my personality and my playlist is a reflection of that. I like music from many different genres, I don't have a favorite artist as such but my favorite genre would have to be soul. I am a person that is very much in touch with her emotions and I love love.

I basically listen to anything and everything. If a song grabs my attention or touches my soul; I'm sold. I'm not the type of person who can listen to an entire album from start to finish, unless I find it amazing I get bored. My playlist is on random a lot of the time. These are songs I listen to when I'm stuck in traffic, on my way to work in the mornings, on my way to gym or home in the afternoons or while I'm busy doing laundry and cleaning.

I'm sure a majority of you have never even heard of some of them because they are local, South African sings. From most played; here are the 10 most played songs on my phone right now:

1.  Love More - Chris Brown featuring Nicki Minaj
2. Gold Slugs - DJ Khaled
3. All Me - Lyrica Anderson featuring Chris Brown
4. Hurts so Good - Astrid S
5. Anginamngani - DJ Sandiso featuring Dream Team
6. Cake by the Ocean - DNCE
7. Let Me Love You - DJ Snake featuring Justin Bieber
8. Rude Boy - Rihanna
9. All About Me - Syd
10. 2 Reasons - Trey Songz featuring T.I

Well there you have it. I'm sure there are quite a few surprises there. I'm sure that after reading through this list, you can see what I meant when I said my music taste is all over the place. Whatever you're doing right now; grab your phone and give these a listen.

My Goals For 2018

I know the year is almost up but I felt I should share what some of my goals for this year were and still are. At the beginning of every year after all the festivities are over and before I get back to real life, I grab a pen and notebook and write down a list of all the things I hope to achieve before the year is up. I feel goal setting is important because it gives you a sense of direction and writing your goals down helps remind you why you were doing certain things just in case you go off track and deviate.

My dad is a goal driven person, always has been. He even had a vision board which he kept on the wall in the study that inspired me to create a vision board of my own. Some of my goals were to pick up some healthy habits such as drinking water (I don't drink enough). Here are some of the goals that I had set for myself for this year, some of which I have already achieved:

1. Reach a wider audience with my blog
2. Maintain a workout plan
3. Be able to do a minimum of 10 pull-ups a day
4. Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio a day
5. Join the gym
6. Stop wearing sneakers to work
7. Obtain a mark of 70% for MNG2601
8. Drop down to 42kg by December
9. Post at least 1 blog post a week
10. Upgrade my laptop
11. Pay off Cotton On and stop taking clothes on credit
12. Get myself a new cellphone for my birthday
13. Complete a 30 day squat challenge
14. Complete a 30 day abs challenge
15. Get a 6 pack (abs) by December
16. Visit Charlie's bakery in Cape Town
17. Go on a road trip for 1 of the long weekends
18. Get my own place by the end of the year
19. Drink a litre of water everyday
20. Obtain a mark of 70% overall for SUS1501

So there you have it, 20 of my goals for 2018 an as you can see I'm knocking them off slowly but surely. I have 3 months left to work on the rest but I am confident I can achieve them as well. It's important to set goals for yourself no matter how silly you might think they are. I strive for self improvement in all spheres of my life even professionally speaking.

If you haven't achieved everything you wanted to achieve this year it's not too late. You can start today, in fact start right now. Wherever you are. Grab a pen and paper and write down at least 5 goals you wish to achieve before the year is up.

Why it's Important for Women to Learn to be Independent & Love Themselves

I am in my late twenties, single and I've never been married. My last serious relationship was when I was about 22 and I haven't had much luck since then, sure I've fallen in love but it has yet to work out and as a result I know how to be alone and I'm okay with it. For a long time I didn't love myself because I measured my worth by how someone else loved me. I'm glad to say I am wiser and stronger and this is no longer the case.

There are women who have been with their first loves since they were in high school and are now in late adulthood and are single for the first time in their lives and don't have a clue who they are or how to function without their significant other because their whole sense of being was tied to this other person for so long. There are also women who have been in relationship after relationship and don't know how to be alone and have zero independence, so just about any man will do and think they have convinced themselves that they do not want or need love, sis who are you fooling? I think this is so sad. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that some loves do last a lifetime but I'm perfectly aware that sometimes things just end.

The reason I decided to write about my views on this is that my parents split a few years ago and my mom has become an alcoholic. I find it very heart-breaking that she has lost her sense of self and has now become someone I don't necessarily want in my life anymore because her behavior sometimes depicts that of people I would never associate with by choice. I know that breakups are hard so I can't even begin to imagine what it's like when a marriage falls apart. I'm not familiar with what divorcees go through but I have seen and heard of many women who get divorced and end up actually finding themselves as a result.

A lot of young women have also fallen into this "blesser" trend. For those of you who don't know “blesser" is the modern day term for "sugar daddy". Instead of working hard on themselves and becoming the strong successful women they are capable of being, they rather date older men just for the perks their money brings. Don't get me wrong, I am not against people dating older guys or whatever, it's more the intention I'm worried about. I have heard stories of grown men dating high school kids and leaving their wives at home to fight with the girl once they find out that they have a boyfriend in their age group. What in the hell? It scares me how these days some high school girls prefer these older even married men because they give them money and things that the average boy their age can't provide. 

Another thing of concern that inspired this post is the alarming rate of teenage pregnancy. Actually, many young girls younger than 13 are getting pregnant and the numbers just seem to be rising. I really wish young women would start to value abstinence again and wait until they are older to engage in sexual activity especially since they don't seem responsible enough to take precautions. Why are these girls not scared? Some time ago I came across a video of teenagers actually having sex in class while the teacher was giving a lesson as if it was totally normal. Ladies... where is the self-respect? Where is the self-love? I mean these kids are now having sex with their teachers and in class during lessons like it's no big deal. What in the hell??? Guys, there's so much more to life than sex and men.

As young women we need to be strong and educate ourselves so that we may live the lives we have dreamt about since we were kids. It's possible, many before us have achieved great success and so can we. We also need to learn to love, support and encourage each other. The last thing you want is to wake up in your 50's and wonder what the hell you've been doing with your life. Everything we need to become all that we can be is already within us; we just need to figure out how to bring it out. I myself am still trying to figure that part out. It took me a while to learn how to love and accept myself who the woman I am and to believe that I was good enough. 

I hope I am never one of those women who lose themselves to a point of seeming pitiful because a man no longer wants me anymore. I know it hurts ladies but we can do better than that. Why do we want people who don't value us or want us anymore so badly that we hurt ourselves in the process? Why can't we love ourselves the way we so badly want to be loved by our significant others or these men to love us?

It's important for us to realize our value as women and treat ourselves and each other like the queens we are. May we be strong independent woman and may we raise them!

Being Academically Excluded is NOT the End of the World

Getting "kicked out" of varsity is a huge blow. It can make you feel like a failure or a loser or even stupid but that is not the case. Life is full of ups and downs and this is just one of the downs. It's not the end of the world.

I think it's especially tough on us black people because our families are not very understanding at times. They don't always understand the pressures we go through in life and at varsity and to the older generation life is supposed to be a straight line: you matriculate, go to university, get a degree and that's that. It's not easy for them to understand when you deviate from the "norm" or when you don't come back home with a degree so it can get really tough for you when you drop out.

Look at it this way, you now have the opportunity to re-examine yourself and your life and do a deep introspection. Find out why things did not work out so well from you then make a plan from there. Explore your options. You do not have to go back to varsity right away. Take the time to explore new hobbies and maybe do some short courses, you might just find your passion.

When it happened to me I was relieved, to be honest I was looking for a way out and this was it. I remember initially feeling like I was kicked in the gut when I opened the letter and read the words "academically excluded". Sure it felt crappy the fact that the school had decided I shouldn't go back but nonetheless it was an answer to my prayers. .Unfortunately for me I had to deal with the backlash for a while. My mom actually said she knew I wasn't going to cut it, didn't even take the time to ask me about it before forming an opinion. Anyways, it was whatever, it's my life anyways and I'm the one who has to actually make a plan as to where to from here.

I decided right off the bat that I was going to find a job. I was not even the least bit interested in pleading my case with an appeal. I was done.

The reason I am telling you that it's not the end of the world to be academically excluded is that if you try to do your best and it just doesn't cut it, there are other avenues to explore. Personally I was very unsure of everything I was doing at varsity the first time around and I didn't see the bigger picture at all. I was just dragging myself to class everyday depressed as hell.

To be honest back then I was very closed minded. I was brought up with the mentality that you go to high school, matriculate then go to university to get the degree of your choice; simple as that. Life isn't that black and white, there is a lot of grey. I'm at UNISA now studying through correspondence and working full time and I'm doing even better than I was as a full time student. In the 3 years I was at university, I never even managed to complete my first year successfully, I got to second dragging some first year modules only to fail again at second level. Now I managed to get a distinction during my first year doing more or less the same modules. By the way I am paying for my own education now because I get tired of trying to convince my dad I want to go back to school; I understand why he was so reluctant though because I made such a mess of it the first time.

Sometimes in life you just need to take a breather and regroup so you can get your head screwed on right and then attempt whatever it is you "failed" at again with a whole new attitude and perspective. With regards to the whole point of this post, academic exclusion is not the end of the world. It's a second chance, an opportunity to do things right and to find an alternative that works better than your first attempt. Maybe I was not mature enough the first time around but I was better mentally prepared this time.

I see many kids these days are depressed because they fail matric and some even attempt suicide. I feel like I can relate a bit because I experienced the effects of poor academic performance at university. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't cut it. I was always close but not close enough. I would fail subjects but just 2% sometimes and cry myself to sleep at night. It was exhausting because it felt like all of my efforts were nothing but a waste. They got me nowhere.

I feel that sometimes in life we fail at things to teach us something. It's not that you are incapable just that maybe your approach is wrong.  Maybe you just need to revisit how you go about your studies. Your study method might not be the right one for you. Just because you didn't succeed with your studies the first time around it does not mean that you should give up. You can try again in a different environment or alternatively you can explore other academic avenues such as short courses or turn your hobby into a money making business.

Not all of us are meant to go to varsity and get degrees and there's nothing wrong with that. I was programmed to believe that that is how life is supposed to be yet there are people who are successful at what they do that have never even set foot in a college or that are university dropouts. You just need to figure out what your path is.

Since my first experience at varsity I have tried to adapt new study methods such as breaking my material for the day into 40 minute sessions with breaks in between and watching YouTube videos related to the study material. I spent time reading up on how to improve my academic performance. I have developed a study timetable for myself and I study at work when I can. I even spend time on assignments on weekends and stopped leaving things to the last minute. I always try to make sure I complete my assignments a week in advance if I can so that I have more than enough time to review and revise if necessary.

To this day I am still reminded about how I spent 3 years at varsity only to come back with nothing but I have learnt not to let it get to me. I have dealt with it personally so it doesn't really matter to me what other people say or think about it because it's in my past. The most important thing is that I haven't given up.

Things to Do & Places to See in My Hometown - East London, South Africa

Hey Guys!

I'm from East London, a small city situated on the coast in the Eastern Cape, South Africa. It's a nice, quiet place filled with many friendly faces and everyone pretty much just does their own thing and minds their own business.

I am a person who likes trying new things and I love going out for food. Most of the places I have been to and had a great experience at I was introduced to by my dad. They are places he has met up with potential clients at.

If ever you're in East London and are looking for some nice places to go and things to or you're from East London and are looking to try new spots you've never been to before; here are a few suggestions:

Sanook Eatery

My family and I love going to Sanook for dinner. They offer a great tasting Greek style menu.  It’s a very classy, little restaurant. Here you can try their great tasting homemade burgers that are absolutely mouth-watering.   There’s also Sanook Café which is owned by the same people but with a different feel, if you’re looking to try out another spot. For more information, check out their website: http://www.sanook.co.za/

Pine Creek Restaurant & Farm Stall:

Situated on the outskirts of Beacon Bay; this is the perfect spot for a family breakfast/lunch. You can even bring the kids along to ride on the train. The atmosphere is very peaceful and the place itself is beautiful. They have great buffets for breakfast and lunch or you can choose to order from the menu. The food tastes great and the atmosphere warm and inviting. It's a great place for the whole family. They offer train rides for the kids.

 The Mustard:

Simply decorated, giving you an inviting feeling from the moment you set foot in the door. I'm a steak person and they served me some of the best simply cooked steak I have eaten in my life served with fresh chips. The steak was very filling and looked so mouth-watering and inviting on the plate I just couldn't wait to dig in.

Buccaneers:

Situated in Quigney (referred to as "Buccs" by us locals) with a great view of the coast, Buccaneers is a great pub to go out and enjoy a few drinks with friends. The baskets are great tasting and the cocktails - delicious. It has a bubbly and welcoming vibe and it can get pretty packed.

Beaches:

When it comes to beaches we have plenty of options to choose from. There’s Nahoon Beach, Eastern Beach, Bonza Bay Beach, Orient Beach to name but a few;  each with a different vibe and a different experience all together.

Highlander:

I have only been here once and personally I don't think it is really my cup of tea.

I have heard so much about it from numerous people so naturally I had to go see myself what all the fuss was about. It was not what I expected but if you are looking for a place to chill and enjoy a few drinks on a nice afternoon then this is the place to be. The view is incredible.

Guild Theatre:

If you are into plays then the Guild Theatre is just the place for you. My school used to do plays there.

Grazia Fine Food & Wine:

Great for a romantic dinner for 2 or for a great meal with your family and friends. They have an awesome menu & the food is amazing, especially their mashed potatoes, to die for! It is very classy and inviting and the service is always great. 

The Sea Spirit Fish Market:

A peaceful and quaint place by the East London harbour that offers the freshest fish & chips I have ever eaten & you get to enjoy your meal on the deck right by the water. This is a good eating spot and a great place for a relaxed afternoon and perfect for enjoying a nice and cool breeze.