Things Women Shouldn't Be Shy Spending Money On | Blogtober Day 23

I think we can agree that many of us women just love shopping; especially if it's unplanned. I used to be a "shopaholic" myself until I decided to stop spending money on things I don't need and start spending it on experiences and  things that make me feel good. I believe that it's important to spoil yourself every now and again.

In my opinion; when it comes to spending a little extra, some things are definitely worth it. What are those things? Well...

A good bra (or 2)

It sucks when you're out and you're wearing the wrong bra. It makes you feel uncomfortable ad leaves you with marks on your body when you take it off. All bras are not made equal and if you want proper housing for your tatas, it's worth it to cough up a few hundred bucks. Wearing a small or or tight bra can cut off blood circulation to your breasts and that's not good!  Also please go for a fitting if you don't know the right bra size for you. If the straps are way too tight, your breasts are spilling over out of the bra at the top or under your armpits, if the back strap doesn't lie straight across your back and rides up; then you're probably wearing the wrong bra size. 

A menstrual cup

These aren't actually expensive if you think about it in the long run.  They are eco- friendly and very comfortable; in fact menstrual cups are so great you might actually stop hating your periods! (I wrote a post about them; you can read it here).Sanitary products are not cheap and are an expense that we can't avoid; whether we like it or not.

A great pair of heels (in fact shoes in general)

It's important to have good quality, comfortable heels; especially if you're going to work in them all day. Do not be afraid to spend a little to take care of those gorgeous feet ladies; They deserve it! A good pair of heels won't get worn out too quickly; even if you wear them quite often. Greta shoes make a woman feel confident; like she can take on the world. Buy yourself a great pair of heels and see what I mean...

A great handbag

When shopping for handbags; especially your every day one; it's important to get one that's strong but also looks appealing to you to carry around your everyday handbag essentials. A handbag is not typically something people buy all the time (unless they really want to) so don't be afraid of the ones that are a little pricey; they will actually last.

Facial skincare products

This one I would say is the most important of this list for me. It's important to take good care of your skin especially if you suffer from acne like me. I used to use cheaper products and wonder why my face was the way it was, I had frequent breakouts and they left ugly black marks on my face. I started seeing a dermatologist who showed me the right products to use for me according to my skin type. Do a little research here and consult a dermatologist if you need to because what works for your friend who has gorgeous skin; might not  work for you!

Good quality makeup

If you have sensitive skin like me; cheap makeup is NOT an option. I get rashes and wake up with swollen lips and eyes; it's not a good look. You need make-up that's made from quality ingredients and ingredients that are as natural as possible. Good makeup will allow your skin to breathe underneath.

Quality running shoes

One thing I can tell you though is that there's a reason why cheap things are cheap; not all of them are necessarily bad but you do get what you pay for. If you want products that will last and and deliver what they promised they would; you'll have to cough up a few extra bucks. The wrong shoes will cause pain on your feet, cause calluses, hammer toes and a whole bunch of other foot problems you do not want.

I am not telling you to break bank here and get yourself into debt - NO! I am merely making suggestions. Think of it a s a sort of...  investment in yourself... Of course there are more important things in life to spend money on but if you're gonna buy these items and can afford to splurge just a little; why not?

When shopping for anything always try to go for the trusted brands. There are some good brands for products that are reasonably priced. 

So ladies, don't be stingy with yourselves, you might regret it. You and your body deserve to be treated well; so if you can go the extra mile, buy that expensive makeup or those heels you saw at the shop that you thought were a little pricey. It's worth it in the long run. Buying something cheap and then having to constantly replace or repair it is not worth the hassle if you can avoid it.

https://weirdnliberated.wixsite.com/weirdnliberated

Why it's Important for Women to Learn to be Independent & Love Themselves

I am in my late twenties, single and I've never been married. My last serious relationship was when I was about 22 and I haven't had much luck since then, sure I've fallen in love but it has yet to work out and as a result I know how to be alone and I'm okay with it. For a long time I didn't love myself because I measured my worth by how someone else loved me. I'm glad to say I am wiser and stronger and this is no longer the case.

There are women who have been with their first loves since they were in high school and are now in late adulthood and are single for the first time in their lives and don't have a clue who they are or how to function without their significant other because their whole sense of being was tied to this other person for so long. There are also women who have been in relationship after relationship and don't know how to be alone and have zero independence, so just about any man will do and think they have convinced themselves that they do not want or need love, sis who are you fooling? I think this is so sad. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that some loves do last a lifetime but I'm perfectly aware that sometimes things just end.

The reason I decided to write about my views on this is that my parents split a few years ago and my mom has become an alcoholic. I find it very heart-breaking that she has lost her sense of self and has now become someone I don't necessarily want in my life anymore because her behavior sometimes depicts that of people I would never associate with by choice. I know that breakups are hard so I can't even begin to imagine what it's like when a marriage falls apart. I'm not familiar with what divorcees go through but I have seen and heard of many women who get divorced and end up actually finding themselves as a result.

A lot of young women have also fallen into this "blesser" trend. For those of you who don't know “blesser" is the modern day term for "sugar daddy". Instead of working hard on themselves and becoming the strong successful women they are capable of being, they rather date older men just for the perks their money brings. Don't get me wrong, I am not against people dating older guys or whatever, it's more the intention I'm worried about. I have heard stories of grown men dating high school kids and leaving their wives at home to fight with the girl once they find out that they have a boyfriend in their age group. What in the hell? It scares me how these days some high school girls prefer these older even married men because they give them money and things that the average boy their age can't provide. 

Another thing of concern that inspired this post is the alarming rate of teenage pregnancy. Actually, many young girls younger than 13 are getting pregnant and the numbers just seem to be rising. I really wish young women would start to value abstinence again and wait until they are older to engage in sexual activity especially since they don't seem responsible enough to take precautions. Why are these girls not scared? Some time ago I came across a video of teenagers actually having sex in class while the teacher was giving a lesson as if it was totally normal. Ladies... where is the self-respect? Where is the self-love? I mean these kids are now having sex with their teachers and in class during lessons like it's no big deal. What in the hell??? Guys, there's so much more to life than sex and men.

As young women we need to be strong and educate ourselves so that we may live the lives we have dreamt about since we were kids. It's possible, many before us have achieved great success and so can we. We also need to learn to love, support and encourage each other. The last thing you want is to wake up in your 50's and wonder what the hell you've been doing with your life. Everything we need to become all that we can be is already within us; we just need to figure out how to bring it out. I myself am still trying to figure that part out. It took me a while to learn how to love and accept myself who the woman I am and to believe that I was good enough. 

I hope I am never one of those women who lose themselves to a point of seeming pitiful because a man no longer wants me anymore. I know it hurts ladies but we can do better than that. Why do we want people who don't value us or want us anymore so badly that we hurt ourselves in the process? Why can't we love ourselves the way we so badly want to be loved by our significant others or these men to love us?

It's important for us to realize our value as women and treat ourselves and each other like the queens we are. May we be strong independent woman and may we raise them!

When will Women Be Safe?

This really is a man’s world, no kidding. As women we have to constantly keep our guards up. We cannot completely relax anywhere, not even in our homes. Women abuse and sexual violence are topics you hear about more often than not. It's become part of our lives as South Africans. If you go onto Google right now or the news you are bound to find a story or 2. I recently opened twitter to learn that someone I knew from varsity has been accused of rape!

I have personally had instances where I wished I had pepper spray or something to protect myself because I did not feel safe. Men might take this as a dig at them but I do believe that they are the ones who don't make the world a safe place. Most of the time perpetrators are men. I have personally never been robbed or attacked by a woman. It's always men. As women we can't even take a walk down the street and feel safe. I have been followed home countless times and I've been sexually harassed while jogging.

Every day somewhere out there, there are women being raped, murdered and abused – sexually, physically and emotionally to the point where they lose their self- worth. This is even happening to young women at varsity both on and off campus. Parents send their daughters off to school to get an education at what is supposed to be a safe space for them to learn and find themselves and even there women are not safe. There are incidents of rape and assault on campus grounds and residences but sadly they are not always reported. The people who suffer the most are always the victims because for the perpetrators there are often little to no repercussions.

Young girls are abused before they aren’t even old enough to understand what is happening to them and this has adverse effects on their development. A lot of sexual abuse victims experience depression and are too afraid to even report it for fear of being ridiculed or labelled and sometimes even blame themselves for what happened to them even though it’s not their fault.

I have come to realize that a lot of African men either do not understand what sexual harassment is or they just do not care. In the news and on the internet or even through the grapevine you hear of stories of little girls, even babies being raped or molested by the men in their mother's life and some even by their own fathers. It's so sickening and they can't even defend themselves because they are too young and helpless to even know what it being done to them.

The worst thing about all of this is the scary statistics on the number of rapists that actually get convicted. So many men get away with rape and it is unacceptable. Even the way police treat women who try to report incidents of sexual assault are ridiculed and asked stupid questions like “what were you wearing?” as if your choice in clothing gives anyone the right to do anything to you. It’s sad how even some women have adopted this mentality when it comes to rape.

I have personally experienced a grown man probably in his late 50's constantly trying to grope me.  2 days ago he told me I was beautiful then proceeded to grab my breasts. He was smiling and saw absolutely nothing wrong with his actions and he did not understand why I was angry and swearing at him.

It is sad how there are still places in the world, even right here in South Africa where women don't really have rights. They are just seen as objects and are there purely for the pleasure and convenience of men. I don't think you've heard of it but there are still places in the rural parts of South Africa that practise "Ukuthwala" which is the act of abducting young women and forcing them into marriage. These women are sometimes as young as 12!!!

I was shocked the other day when a colleague of mine asked me “how does a man rape his wife? It’s his wife so how can it be rape?” The horror! Is this how some men think? So in your mind because you are married to someone you are entitled to their body? No Man!!! Why do men think that they have a right to our bodies? I do not understand where their sense of entitlement comes from. Some men have zero respect for us women, they see us as merely things to be used and manipulated and used only for their pleasure. It is unfathomable because we are the bringers of life. We are queens who deserve to be loved and treated with the utmost respect. I do not care what a woman is wearing or doing, nobody has the right to treat her in any way that is harmful or disrespectful. There is no excuse!

As a society we need to protect our women and children and hold all those responsible for the mistreatment and abuse of women accountable. I think the problem with men starts from their upbringing. Young boys need father figures who will show them how to treat and respect a woman; all women and not just their mothers.

To all the men out there – you need to do better! You need to start calling each other out when it comes to such things. Enough is enough. All of this begs the question; why do men hate us so much?

My 1st Menstrual Cup - My Own Cup

Menstrual cups might just be the greatest gift to women yet! I'm all about saving money and cutting costs wherever I can so when my sister first told me about the period cup; I was sold almost immediately! I am always eager to try new things; especially if they are cost cutting. I almost always have cash flow problems which make my life such admin and my period lasts for 5 DAYS. My sister brought me one when she came home from school and I won't lie, I couldn't wait for my period to come. I wanted to use it NOW!

At first I wondered, "How the hell am I going to fit this thing into my vagina?" Well it was actually pretty simple. You just fold it and insert it into your vagina with the opening of the cup facing the opening of your vagina and it opens up inside. The weirdest part was at first it felt like a vacuum in my vagina. (It actually made a small suction sound when I pulled it out - not a loud one). I thought I was going to feel something because I'm used to using tampons and when a tampon is full you can feel it. It actually feels pretty amazing because it doesn't feel like there is anything up there at all!

I hate tampons especially near the end of your period when it’s dry because it can feel quite rough and painful to pull a dry tampon out of your vagina, it's extremely unpleasant. I find pads even worse, I don't care how slim you make them; to me it's like wearing a nappy. I'll pass!

I started using my first period cup on the 20th of July. It was my most comfortable period in years!

Menstrual cups come in a variety of sizes to suit your flow and you can get one ranging from about R199 upwards depending on where you buy it. Menstrual cups are available in online stores such as TakeAlot.com. They come in different brands and sizes (according to your menstrual flow). I have yet to see one in stores where I live.

I'm using one called My Own Cup - menstrual cup which my sister brought from Cape Town.

Menstrual cups are safe enough to be used by virgins as they will not break the hymen; they don’t go that far up the vagina. If it wasn’t obvious to you; yes you must remove the cup if you’re having sex while on your period.

Here is a list of pros (some of which I have personally discovered):

• No leakage; that is of course if you put it in properly

• No odour or possibility of odour since it stays in your body (why I hated pads)

• It's comfortable and flexible

• You can keep the cup in for longer than a tampon (up to 12 hours)

• Smooth and easy insertion - no chaffing

• Easy to clean

• One cup last for up to 5 years but you can replace it after 3 if you wish

• No risk of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome) which you can get from tampon use

• Go on with your life as normal, just like when using a tampon except far more comfortable

• Cost effective - HUGE MONEY SAVER

And as for cons; I have yet to find any. Cleaning it is hassle free as well; just boil the cup for a few minutes in a water-filled pot on the stove to sterilize it before usage and you're ready to go. Sterilization is of utmost importance as it kills all germs and keeps the cup clean and bacteria free. The last thing you want is a vaginal infection. Don't forget to sterilize it before you put it away at the end of your period too! (I wash mine then boil it in a pot on the stove) ALWAYS WASH YOUR HANDS!

Below is a link to TakeAlot's website where you can get your own cup. Check it out:

https://www.takealot.com/health-beauty/all?qsearch=menstrual+cup&via=suggestions

The cleaning and care instructions are pretty straight forward, I boil mine on the stove but if you’re unsure of what to do I’d suggest you check out some YouTube videos of how other girls sterilize theirs. The leaflet that comes in the container with the cup is pretty simple though so you shouldn’t have any question as to what to do.

Many women in my circle (especially the older women) that I've tried to convince to switch to menstrual cups are still very apprehensive and for various reasons such as the cup getting lost or stuck; which I can assure you will not happen. There isn't really anywhere for the cup to "get lost" in there. It just sits there and does it's thing. I don't know if it's all in my head but I seem to experience less perineum pain lately as well; probably unrelated to the cup but a huge relief for me. Also people are very reluctant to change when they are stuck in their old ways; which I completely understand but sometimes one needs to take a chance, especially if it will do you and the planet more good.

So go ahead ladies, get yourselves a menstrual cup and save yourselves some cash while doing the environment a solid. I am glad I will never see another tampon or experience the dreaded dry tampon ever again!

For more information regarding the My Own Cup menstrual cups please visit www.myowncup.co.za

20 Things I Learnt In my Early 20's

Your twenties can be a very stressful and confusing time in your life. For me they have been even worse than my teens. At least back then I had the option of crying to mommy to fix my problems. I've just hit my late 20's (we all know how fast time can fly when you're not paying attention).Finding myself definitely hasn’t been easy; but it was definitely worth it. I feel more whole than I've ever felt before. I let a few people go along the way (some by choice and other's due to ... life) but you know what, it was probably for the best.

It gets tough sometimes because you are expected to be this grown up person but at the same time you are still getting your shit together so it’s a little confusing. Anyways here are 20 things I have learnt in my 20's:

1.     Put yourself first, your twenties are meant to be your selfish years; discover exactly who you are (or want to be).

2.     Some guys will tell you they love you just to get what they want & it's nothing personal. 

3.     People leave sometimes - it's not your fault or anything you did. They leave because they want to so. Don't blame yourself.

4.     You can't make people see or own up to their wrong doings and it's not your job to.

5.     What people think of me is none of my business.

6.     People don't always tell you how they feel about you but they definitely show you; believe them.

7.     Happiness is a choice I get to make every day, even though some days are harder than others. Problems and sadness are not permanent. Always try to look on the bright side.

8.     Dating is not easy and you never have to feel pressured into it. It's okay to be single, there's nothing wrong with that.

9.     Everyone in life is on a personal journey and will take their time and that includes you, don't be too hard on yourself. Baby steps are better than no progress at all.

10. I do not to have my shit together right now as long as I'm trying. 

11. No one will ever make a broken person happy, work on you first. 

12. How people treat me is not an indication of my worth.

13. It’s alright that I do not to have a lot of friends; the right ones are what matters. People who are meant to be in your life will gravitate towards you naturally. The universe does kind of give you what you need.

14. Never force yourself to do anything you're not comfortable with to please anyone.

15. Whatever your gut instinct is saying, do that.

16. My parents know a shit load more about life than I do, listen to them every now and then but sometimes parents are wrong and that's because they are also human and make mistake.

17. How to forgive myself.

18. There’s no shame in crying as long as it’s not over the same thing time and time again. Take the time to feel the pain and heal, then move on.

19. The past is in the past and that's where it should stay; use it only to reflect. Even the bad choices were only meant to show or teach you something.

20. Age really is just a number.

But most of all I learnt that it's up to me to be happy and to learn how to love and accept myself for the beautiful, imperfect being I am. It’s okay to make mistakes in life as long as you are learning from them and progressing. We are all on different paths and journeys so do not compare your progress to your peers.