When will Women Be Safe?

This really is a man’s world, no kidding. As women we have to constantly keep our guards up. We cannot completely relax anywhere, not even in our homes. Women abuse and sexual violence are topics you hear about more often than not. It's become part of our lives as South Africans. If you go onto Google right now or the news you are bound to find a story or 2. I recently opened twitter to learn that someone I knew from varsity has been accused of rape!

I have personally had instances where I wished I had pepper spray or something to protect myself because I did not feel safe. Men might take this as a dig at them but I do believe that they are the ones who don't make the world a safe place. Most of the time perpetrators are men. I have personally never been robbed or attacked by a woman. It's always men. As women we can't even take a walk down the street and feel safe. I have been followed home countless times and I've been sexually harassed while jogging.

Every day somewhere out there, there are women being raped, murdered and abused – sexually, physically and emotionally to the point where they lose their self- worth. This is even happening to young women at varsity both on and off campus. Parents send their daughters off to school to get an education at what is supposed to be a safe space for them to learn and find themselves and even there women are not safe. There are incidents of rape and assault on campus grounds and residences but sadly they are not always reported. The people who suffer the most are always the victims because for the perpetrators there are often little to no repercussions.

Young girls are abused before they aren’t even old enough to understand what is happening to them and this has adverse effects on their development. A lot of sexual abuse victims experience depression and are too afraid to even report it for fear of being ridiculed or labelled and sometimes even blame themselves for what happened to them even though it’s not their fault.

I have come to realize that a lot of African men either do not understand what sexual harassment is or they just do not care. In the news and on the internet or even through the grapevine you hear of stories of little girls, even babies being raped or molested by the men in their mother's life and some even by their own fathers. It's so sickening and they can't even defend themselves because they are too young and helpless to even know what it being done to them.

The worst thing about all of this is the scary statistics on the number of rapists that actually get convicted. So many men get away with rape and it is unacceptable. Even the way police treat women who try to report incidents of sexual assault are ridiculed and asked stupid questions like “what were you wearing?” as if your choice in clothing gives anyone the right to do anything to you. It’s sad how even some women have adopted this mentality when it comes to rape.

I have personally experienced a grown man probably in his late 50's constantly trying to grope me.  2 days ago he told me I was beautiful then proceeded to grab my breasts. He was smiling and saw absolutely nothing wrong with his actions and he did not understand why I was angry and swearing at him.

It is sad how there are still places in the world, even right here in South Africa where women don't really have rights. They are just seen as objects and are there purely for the pleasure and convenience of men. I don't think you've heard of it but there are still places in the rural parts of South Africa that practise "Ukuthwala" which is the act of abducting young women and forcing them into marriage. These women are sometimes as young as 12!!!

I was shocked the other day when a colleague of mine asked me “how does a man rape his wife? It’s his wife so how can it be rape?” The horror! Is this how some men think? So in your mind because you are married to someone you are entitled to their body? No Man!!! Why do men think that they have a right to our bodies? I do not understand where their sense of entitlement comes from. Some men have zero respect for us women, they see us as merely things to be used and manipulated and used only for their pleasure. It is unfathomable because we are the bringers of life. We are queens who deserve to be loved and treated with the utmost respect. I do not care what a woman is wearing or doing, nobody has the right to treat her in any way that is harmful or disrespectful. There is no excuse!

As a society we need to protect our women and children and hold all those responsible for the mistreatment and abuse of women accountable. I think the problem with men starts from their upbringing. Young boys need father figures who will show them how to treat and respect a woman; all women and not just their mothers.

To all the men out there – you need to do better! You need to start calling each other out when it comes to such things. Enough is enough. All of this begs the question; why do men hate us so much?