At my age; I feel like I should be out of my parents house; married or not but realistically speaking that is not an option right now. Now here I am feeling stuck!
Before you conclude that I'm lucky to even have that option and I just sound like a spoilt brat, hear me out....
My mom has a drinking problem and it has made my relationship with her and living with her painful. What do I mean by this? I mean almost every day I must talk myself out of a bad mood that I 'm in because of something she's said or done. It's exhausting! How many of you guys have ha to live with an alcoholic parent who has BEEN in denial and keeps saying they are not ready for help?
Every since my father left my mom has turned into someone I don't want to be associated with even more. We have always had our issues; mostly because of her personality and the way she is in general and shes my mother, like what can I do? But now it's just gone to a whole other level. If she's not angry, she's drunk and doing things I just can't stand. I won't go into detail but let me just say; I don't feel that home is a healthy environment for me anymore and hasn't been for a long time.
I guess what pisses me off the most about my mother's drinking is the fact that my life isn't progressing as fast as I thought it would and as a result I'm still living at home and I can't really go anywhere because I can't afford to and I just feel stuck. My life didn't go like I had planned, I didn't graduate when I thought I would; in fact I started over and now I feel like I'm paying the price. If I had, then I wouldn't even be witnessing anything. Now it's my problem too because I'm still here.
It's weird though how it always really escalates during exams. As if exams alone aren't stressful enough!
Before you conclude that I'm lucky to even have that option and I just sound like a spoilt brat, hear me out....
My mom has a drinking problem and it has made my relationship with her and living with her painful. What do I mean by this? I mean almost every day I must talk myself out of a bad mood that I 'm in because of something she's said or done. It's exhausting! How many of you guys have ha to live with an alcoholic parent who has BEEN in denial and keeps saying they are not ready for help?
Every since my father left my mom has turned into someone I don't want to be associated with even more. We have always had our issues; mostly because of her personality and the way she is in general and shes my mother, like what can I do? But now it's just gone to a whole other level. If she's not angry, she's drunk and doing things I just can't stand. I won't go into detail but let me just say; I don't feel that home is a healthy environment for me anymore and hasn't been for a long time.
I guess what pisses me off the most about my mother's drinking is the fact that my life isn't progressing as fast as I thought it would and as a result I'm still living at home and I can't really go anywhere because I can't afford to and I just feel stuck. My life didn't go like I had planned, I didn't graduate when I thought I would; in fact I started over and now I feel like I'm paying the price. If I had, then I wouldn't even be witnessing anything. Now it's my problem too because I'm still here.
It's weird though how it always really escalates during exams. As if exams alone aren't stressful enough!
It's not even 11am yet and they are already drinking wine! Yesterday I was woken up by noise at 6am in the morning; which is unusual for a Saturday. My mom and aunt were still drunk from the night before and talking at the top of their voices and playing loud music while I still trying to sleep. The real problem is that it's actually exam season and I don't have the time or energy to be dealing with this right now. It's HARD!!! All of my energy should be poured into my studies right now instead I'm dealing with a person who's drunk.
I don't know what to do anymore. Usually people's siblings try to help them out and give some guidance but my aunt is actually part of the problem. She has her own issues and I feel like she's just happy to have someone to drown in misery with otherwise she would be trying to help. I've tried so many times to sit the 2 of them down and address this issue and as usual my aunt plays the victim and somehow it becomes about her when it was supposed to be about helping my mom.And it be your own family not supporting you too ; you'd think her sister would try to get her help but nope;she's right up there with her being her drinking buddy. Sometimes I hate them both. I also feel like my mom doesn't even have proper friends and as a result she doesn't really have much of a support system except my younger sister and me. I know I shouldn't give up but I really have lost my patience. I can't be here anymore, not even when she's sober. My mom needs help but she refuses to get it and keep saying she's not ready. She hasn't been ready for years!
In all honesty I am starting to stop caring. I get bothered less and less with each drunken episode; I don't even feel embarrassed anymore. I've tried to tell her that she needs to stop drinking completely and she keeps making excuses. She's in denial about the fact that she's an alcoholic. In case you're wondering why I am using the word alcoholic it's because of the way my mom goes about the drinking. She knows my sister and I give her a hard time about it so she hides it. I was looking for a specific pot in the back of the kitchen cupboard and found a box of wine I'm assuming she was trying to hide because why else would it be there? Same goes for the squeeze bottle I found in her shoe closet whilst looking for something. Sometimes I talk to her and we have a good laugh then she'll disappear into her room for like half an hour, next thing she's slurring her words and can't even walk straight. It's ridiculous. If that's not the definition of an alcoholic; I don't know what is!
I honestly don't know how much longer I can live like this but it worries me what would happen if I wasn't here because my mom's left the stove on while cooking and just decided she was going to bed (no she wasn't sober); if I wasn't home that night I don't even want to begin to imagine what might have happened.
I'm not gonna lie; I was happy when my mom was out of town almost a month and she annoyed me from the minute I fetched her from the bus-stop. It's the same shit all the damn time. First thing in the morning and the woman is already complaining about something. Yes I was a little late to fetch her but I didn't do it on purpose. She has never fetched me on time because she has no respect for time! The reason I started driving myself to work everyday even though she works a few streets away from me is because she was always making me late and made zero effort to even try to move any faster in the morning. I hated it!
I really thought that things would change after she visited my gran for almost a month. I thought she would get the support she needed from her other siblings (not the one she drinks with every weekend; you know I actually asked them the other day why they never do anything besides drinking cheap wine. I have never heard or seen them making lunch or dinner plans or even going to the mall together or doing anything besides drinking together). Well she came back very much the same. We actually had a fight the night before she left because she was drinking and I remember angrily saying I hope he returns with a better outlook on life. That didn't happen!
I wish she would get the help she needs to move on. If I didn't need them financially I'd be long gone but here I am degree less and struggling to find a job to afford the luxury of my own space. It's so frustrating. I feel like I'm the only 20 something year old who's life is like this and feels trapped. I can't progress; or rather I'm not progressing fast enough even for my own liking. Thee more stressed I am, the more I fail, the longer it takes for me to get a degree, the longer I'm stuck here. You see my problem? I feel stuck!
So on the 20th some family friends came over to celebrate their graduation. Guess who the drunker person at the celebration was? Honestly maybe I shouldn't be bothered or embarrassed this much but I am. I'm constantly between the stages of getting really pissed off and not giving a shit.
I know some of you are thinking "this ungrateful bitch!". Having a mother that pisses you off every single weekend because of her drinking is not a blessing ;it's just not! I could use less stress in my life. Yes I get it, her husband left but I mean geez; when will she get the professional help she needs. She keeps saying she's not ready and she hasn't been "ready" for like 2 years! My own sister has told me she feels sorry for me; she moved to another city for school so she doesn't witness anything anymore. I don't even have a sense of relief anymore because I'm dealing with the drinking alone. At least when my sister was here I had a distraction; someone who understood how and way I feel the way I do.
This post probably sounds like someone who's just ranting and raving but I needed to get this off my chest so that I can actually concentrate when I study. I struggle to compartmentalise and it will be my downfall. I need to get good grades. I really envy the relationship other girls and family friends have with their moms; mine looks healthy from a distance because people see her bringing me lunch (which happens after we fight) but it's really not. I don't know how to remedy the situation because the only solution right now seems to be moving out; which I really can't afford. It's depressing! Feeling stuck...
Anyways I guess you can't really help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I have suggested she go see a professional and she doesn't want to. She has convinced herself that church will help but personally I don't see a difference. She drinks after church as well as while watching TBN so...
I'm also tired of being the adult and calling people out for unacceptable behaviour. My aunt had this friend who acts like a boyfriend but isn't. Every time he comes here he does something rude or disrespectful. I actually think he's racist but he won't make it obvious but it's also confusing because my aunt is black (he's white by the way). He doesn't tolerate other black people outside of my family, well at least not any of the ones that visit and he treats my aunt like shit. I find his negative energy draining and unnecessary to be around but he comes to my home. I've told him to leave so many times but my mother keeps letting him come back, god knows why; another reason why I so desperately need to move out. It's not my house so I guess I don't really have a say in who comes and goes which is really difficult for me at times. I bet you that man will be here again for Christmas (eyes rolling).
Alcoholism is no joke; it's a serious health problem! We must learn to deal with our issues in a healthy and positive way. We all go through difficult times in life but if you feel that it's too much for you, seek help! It might not seem all that bad but alcohol does serious damage to your body. It also has a negative effect on personal relationships with friends and family; some people even end up losing their jobs. If someone who is struggling with this is reading this post, please seek professional help, if you don't want to do it for yourself then do it for the ones you love.
I honestly fear the holiday season at home because I know exactly what is going to happen. I fear for my own mental health.
I don't know what to do anymore. Usually people's siblings try to help them out and give some guidance but my aunt is actually part of the problem. She has her own issues and I feel like she's just happy to have someone to drown in misery with otherwise she would be trying to help. I've tried so many times to sit the 2 of them down and address this issue and as usual my aunt plays the victim and somehow it becomes about her when it was supposed to be about helping my mom.And it be your own family not supporting you too ; you'd think her sister would try to get her help but nope;she's right up there with her being her drinking buddy. Sometimes I hate them both. I also feel like my mom doesn't even have proper friends and as a result she doesn't really have much of a support system except my younger sister and me. I know I shouldn't give up but I really have lost my patience. I can't be here anymore, not even when she's sober. My mom needs help but she refuses to get it and keep saying she's not ready. She hasn't been ready for years!
In all honesty I am starting to stop caring. I get bothered less and less with each drunken episode; I don't even feel embarrassed anymore. I've tried to tell her that she needs to stop drinking completely and she keeps making excuses. She's in denial about the fact that she's an alcoholic. In case you're wondering why I am using the word alcoholic it's because of the way my mom goes about the drinking. She knows my sister and I give her a hard time about it so she hides it. I was looking for a specific pot in the back of the kitchen cupboard and found a box of wine I'm assuming she was trying to hide because why else would it be there? Same goes for the squeeze bottle I found in her shoe closet whilst looking for something. Sometimes I talk to her and we have a good laugh then she'll disappear into her room for like half an hour, next thing she's slurring her words and can't even walk straight. It's ridiculous. If that's not the definition of an alcoholic; I don't know what is!
I honestly don't know how much longer I can live like this but it worries me what would happen if I wasn't here because my mom's left the stove on while cooking and just decided she was going to bed (no she wasn't sober); if I wasn't home that night I don't even want to begin to imagine what might have happened.
I'm not gonna lie; I was happy when my mom was out of town almost a month and she annoyed me from the minute I fetched her from the bus-stop. It's the same shit all the damn time. First thing in the morning and the woman is already complaining about something. Yes I was a little late to fetch her but I didn't do it on purpose. She has never fetched me on time because she has no respect for time! The reason I started driving myself to work everyday even though she works a few streets away from me is because she was always making me late and made zero effort to even try to move any faster in the morning. I hated it!
I really thought that things would change after she visited my gran for almost a month. I thought she would get the support she needed from her other siblings (not the one she drinks with every weekend; you know I actually asked them the other day why they never do anything besides drinking cheap wine. I have never heard or seen them making lunch or dinner plans or even going to the mall together or doing anything besides drinking together). Well she came back very much the same. We actually had a fight the night before she left because she was drinking and I remember angrily saying I hope he returns with a better outlook on life. That didn't happen!
I wish she would get the help she needs to move on. If I didn't need them financially I'd be long gone but here I am degree less and struggling to find a job to afford the luxury of my own space. It's so frustrating. I feel like I'm the only 20 something year old who's life is like this and feels trapped. I can't progress; or rather I'm not progressing fast enough even for my own liking. Thee more stressed I am, the more I fail, the longer it takes for me to get a degree, the longer I'm stuck here. You see my problem? I feel stuck!
So on the 20th some family friends came over to celebrate their graduation. Guess who the drunker person at the celebration was? Honestly maybe I shouldn't be bothered or embarrassed this much but I am. I'm constantly between the stages of getting really pissed off and not giving a shit.
I know some of you are thinking "this ungrateful bitch!". Having a mother that pisses you off every single weekend because of her drinking is not a blessing ;it's just not! I could use less stress in my life. Yes I get it, her husband left but I mean geez; when will she get the professional help she needs. She keeps saying she's not ready and she hasn't been "ready" for like 2 years! My own sister has told me she feels sorry for me; she moved to another city for school so she doesn't witness anything anymore. I don't even have a sense of relief anymore because I'm dealing with the drinking alone. At least when my sister was here I had a distraction; someone who understood how and way I feel the way I do.
This post probably sounds like someone who's just ranting and raving but I needed to get this off my chest so that I can actually concentrate when I study. I struggle to compartmentalise and it will be my downfall. I need to get good grades. I really envy the relationship other girls and family friends have with their moms; mine looks healthy from a distance because people see her bringing me lunch (which happens after we fight) but it's really not. I don't know how to remedy the situation because the only solution right now seems to be moving out; which I really can't afford. It's depressing! Feeling stuck...
I'm also tired of being the adult and calling people out for unacceptable behaviour. My aunt had this friend who acts like a boyfriend but isn't. Every time he comes here he does something rude or disrespectful. I actually think he's racist but he won't make it obvious but it's also confusing because my aunt is black (he's white by the way). He doesn't tolerate other black people outside of my family, well at least not any of the ones that visit and he treats my aunt like shit. I find his negative energy draining and unnecessary to be around but he comes to my home. I've told him to leave so many times but my mother keeps letting him come back, god knows why; another reason why I so desperately need to move out. It's not my house so I guess I don't really have a say in who comes and goes which is really difficult for me at times. I bet you that man will be here again for Christmas (eyes rolling).
Alcoholism is no joke; it's a serious health problem! We must learn to deal with our issues in a healthy and positive way. We all go through difficult times in life but if you feel that it's too much for you, seek help! It might not seem all that bad but alcohol does serious damage to your body. It also has a negative effect on personal relationships with friends and family; some people even end up losing their jobs. If someone who is struggling with this is reading this post, please seek professional help, if you don't want to do it for yourself then do it for the ones you love.
I honestly fear the holiday season at home because I know exactly what is going to happen. I fear for my own mental health.
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